omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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