I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize