you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
