the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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