you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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