she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He better not be in your backpack
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
