My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
