I'm eating all of the evidence.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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