Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
time to smoke my breakfast
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
