Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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