i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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