Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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