I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
