So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
