Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
MIDGETS
????
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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