Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
