genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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