do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize