Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
