i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
