We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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