I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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