Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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