I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize