can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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