Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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