Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
