No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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