I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
