I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We need to get me chipped asap
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
