Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
People in love make me want to vomit
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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