Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
