the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
