I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
