walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
