so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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