I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
