escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
