he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i think i just lost a toe
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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