why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
