I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
