lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
