carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
