She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize