I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
