Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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