she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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