I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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