I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
