if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
