just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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