Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i love accidental penises.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
