Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
