Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i believe in u and ur pee
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
