Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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