I just saw a hot homeless man
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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