Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
