I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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