The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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