I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
