Welp...herpes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I currently don't understand fingers.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize