3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
