I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
