dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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