hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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