I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
