I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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