Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
