They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
