I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
