It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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