It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
