Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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