I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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