it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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