I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
