I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
