Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
