Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
