If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize